Classified Ads- Services- Executioner

by Tom Skolfield

For all of your execution needs

Services provided

Guillotine
Time honored method- our favorite.
Portable, guaranteed fast results.
Ideal for those large group events.
Proven results.
BYOB- (Bring your own basket).

Hanging
Slower than guillotine but can be more satisfying based on personal preference.
Cheap cost effective.
Traditional- choice of long or short drop.

Electric chair
Green energy provided by solar panels.
Fast and efficient, low clean up.
90% effective (first time).
Not recommended for cloudy areas.

Drawing and quartering
Satisfying results for those special criminals.
Spectacular results.

Keel hauling
For those who own a mega yacht.
Keel provided by yacht owner.
Viewing area limited to yacht size.

Firing squad
For those who would like the enjoyment of participation.
Bring your own rifle and ammo for a discount!
Back stop and post provided.

Stake burning
Not recommended due to global warming.
May require a carbon tax.

For more information please contact –
1-800-DEADCEO for a free consultation and quote. Special group rates and sliding scale fees available. Satisfaction guaranteed.

Qualifications
Over 40 years experience in electrical mechanical engineering, sailing and knot tying, hunting and recreational shooting.

2023 May 9.

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